Nancy’s Speech

Words for Steve

Steve and my mum, who is also sadly no longer with us, had been on and off spanning about 30 years. Whilst they didn’t work out romantically, they were obviously important to each other to be magnetised back into each other’s lives on many occasions.

The last time that they had got in contact with each other after many years, to what I recall of my mum telling me, she had been let down by my biological father when I was still very small and Steve had magically called her up one day to say ‘hello’. Thus, he came back into my mum’s life and into my own new life and he stayed.

A thought I’ve reminisced on many times throughout my growing up is that he had no obligation to be there. He and my mum split up again when I was maybe six or seven, but Steve never disappeared and the breakup didn’t leave any pain or anger behind. They remained great friends and he was one of the prime components of our 5-piece, bizarre family.

I called him ‘Steve’ not ‘Dad’ but I have never felt that I was without a father. I just had a Steve instead.

It was Steve who I’d see every other weekend, like others did their fathers and who would take me to museums, who would influence how I considered my footprint and influence on the world and who would tell me stories to help me get to sleep. 

I can’t imagine a more generous thing than to take on the responsibility of someone else’s child and give them all the love and attention of a great parent when it had never been their burden. It was all from his own heart. I could never be more grateful to my Steve and I hope he knew how much he influenced me and how much I adored him as my dad. 

I will love and miss him every day. Whenever I turn off the tap between teeth-brushing, turn off a light so as not to waste energy, whenever I see a white van, whenever I take a walk among nature, whenever I eat a donut, whenever I think of my mother and whenever I see people working to save our planet. He was the best role model I could’ve asked for.

I recently heard in a speech by the Dalai Lama that the best way to heal in grief is to continue the person’s message so I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to bring goodness into the world.